I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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