I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
