Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
