"it" just moved
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
