I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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