I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
