I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
