Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How's work?
Spinning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
