so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
