dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
