Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
