we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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