She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
