Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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