He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
