I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
