420 ftw
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
