My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
