Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
