pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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