So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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