Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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