Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.