Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.