smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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