I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.