I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress