I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.