are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
