i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
