I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
