you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
