so explain again why im purple
no
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
