My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people