Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.