I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just gift wrapped bread.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.