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Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
