When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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