Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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