I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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