nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize