I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
