I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
