roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
