Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
