Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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