And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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