he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Actions speak louder than pants.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
