So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
