i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
