u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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