While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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