You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
