The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
