Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
