Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize