Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
