Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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