i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
