is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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