so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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