I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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