the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
