you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
