Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
