dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
