fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
