i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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