His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
