I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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