New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
