I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
