You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
