the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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