This is not my ceiling
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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