Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
