Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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