i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
