Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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