I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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