Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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