what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
